Five Myths of Grief
Here are 5 myths of grief and bereavement for you to consider:
Grief and mourning are the same thing - Grief is the inward description of thoughts and feelings we have in reaction to a loss. Mourning is the outward or sometimes inward display of those emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Many people grieve a loss, but they do not afford themselves a time of mourning of a loss. They are told to “get over it” or “it’s time to move on” when in reality nothing can be further from the truth at the time.
Grief happens in orderly or disorderly stages - This is no longer a commonly held philosophy among current grief and bereavement researchers. Now, the focus is on moving to and from grief work through resiliency work like a pendulum. There is no number of times the pendulum must swing back and forth as people mourn and grieve in their own ways and on their own timetable.
Mourning ends at the funeral - Often mourning begins at a funeral as this is the first time a person is afforded an opportunity to focus on their grief work and can take place over a long period of time, including a lifetime. Case and point, I still mourn the loss and passing of my Sensei in Karate and Reiki. I know that there is still work that I need to do, but the work does get easier as more work is done in building resiliency.
Avoiding the subject of the loss is helpful to the mourner - This can be quite problematic as in our culture, we typically have reservations about bringing up losses and negatives with our friends; however, it is important to know that talking about the loss is usually welcomed and helps normalize emotions as the person works through and manages their grief.
You need to be strong in order to get over your grief - This cannot be further from the truth in many circumstances. Many people need to show their emotion and have it locked away for fear that they will upset others with their grief or emotions. By using this mentality with grievers, people are not allowing themselves to be open to mourning in their own ways and working through grief as they need to.
***Bottom line - Grievers need to be given space to mourn in their own ways. While some may need space, others may need people around them to help them mourn. There are no “correct” ways to grieve or mourn and it does not occur in stages, rather it vacillates between grief and resiliency.
